I can't sleep

Ellie with prunes on her face this Deer Hunting morning. Look close you can see a tooth!

Well maybe it is because there are four people in my bed right now...
Maybe it is because Ellie hasn't pooped in a week...
Maybe it is because some friends of our recently set the date for their son's OH surgery...
Maybe it is because I just can't sleep...

Not really sure, but once my brain starts thinking it is hard to turn off without getting all the thoughts out.

Poop:
I have tried everything. Ellie is stuck and she just can't get it out. I am currently resorting to rectal stimulation to coax the poop out... I got a little out yesterday morning. All day I worried, I even called the doctor and she said I am trying everything.
We knew Ellie was have trouble a week ago, so Monday I decided to pull all foods that cause constipation, up leg pumping and massage. Nothing happened. I added prune juice and apple juice to her diet, still nothing. I tried a suppository Tuesday afternoon, still nothing. I asked some friends Wednesday night at church what to do and Maggie suggested Miralax, Margie said she would have to help break up the poop with Claire. So Thursday morning I got some Miralax and gave Ellie her first dose. Nothing...
Friday morning came too soon, as Ellie and I both didn't sleep well. I am thinking she is starting to feel uncomfortable and she also cut another tooth. So we were behind... but I decided to resort to rectal stimulation as that is what most of my friends on facebook suggested. And, I saw some poop. So I was able to so to speak, "dig some out," until Ellie didn't want me to anymore. I got about a tablespoon out. I know there is more in there. Thus bringing us back to the question, "am I doing everything?"
The doctor said yes, she said to continue with RS and use my pinky finger with lubrication. I did that yesterday again and nothing...
So I decided to try a different suppository, the kind where you put it in the rectum and it breaks down. The box said that it should work within the hour. I gave it to her at 9pm and I did notice some farting but no explosion. We went to bed at 10pm and here I am now... typing. Ellie is sleeping, hopefully not in a poopy diaper. I don't think so, because once she gets the hard stool out she is going to have a ton of really soft stool because of her diet the last week and the Miralax. So hopefully we have a diaper explosion today.

Open Heart Surgery:
I have felt a little more emotional since Maggie told me Wednesday that they scheduled Leif's surgery for Friday, Nov. 11th. I have known that he was supposed to have surgery to correct his TOF defect but now knowing what is upon them, it just breaks my heart. They are one week from having Leif's heart fixed, of which will stop them from the worry they have had to live with everyday since he was born four months ago. However, to get to that point, the journey will be challenging at least initially. No one wants to sit and wait while their child is in surgery. He is a strong little boy and I know that he will be just fine, I know that Maggie and Jay will be fine. But, I do not wish this upon any parent. I pray they find out what causes CHDs in babies so no other parent has to worry about OH surgery on their child, or has to sit for hours while waiting for their child to be done with OH surgery. I pray for this because to be a mother and sit by your child's bedside after OH surgery and not be able to do anything to soothe them is so unbearable. When I think about what lies ahead of them it brings tears to my eyes and I just wish I could take it away. I guess God doesn't hand these learning opportunities to just anyone. He gives them to those who are strong enough to handle them.
So with that looming ahead, it has brought back the emotions that I went through with Ellie. I don't walk around crying or anything, but I have been thinking more about what we went through and remembering how I felt. Usually everyday I think about something from those 16 days, it is hard not too because I am reminded daily by the little blessing named Ellie and by her scar. Her scar has healed so well but it is there and it does remind me that she is a gift and that our lives are a gift and we need to treasure every moment because we don't know when those gifts will be taken away. God also doesn't just give those scars to anyone either.
I know I have grown a lot after going through those 16 days with Ellie at Children's. I am more thankful, thoughtful and my faith has really grown. I feel like I was handed my miracle. But, I also know that being the mom of a heart baby brings challenges too... I worry more then before, about Ellie, about Hadley, about the little things... like something as simple as Hadley playing on a swing set... I think "oh no, I don't want her to fall." That is because now I know that things happen to everyone, it doesn't matter who you are.  I have been through the wonder of "is everything going to be okay with my child," and I don't want to do that again, ever! So now after going through those days along with the stronger faith comes stronger worry but I guess they even each other out.

Sleep:
Back to that... maybe I can fall asleep now. I will grab Ellie and probably go sleep in Hadley's bed. Oh wait I don't have to do that... Robert just got up for deer hunting.
Good night!