NCLEX evening

Well it is late... 10:45 and Leno is on. I have had one heck of a day. I honestly hope I passed because I don't want to ever take that test again. It was HARD. I arrived early. About 2 hours early. I found the place and then I went to McDonalds since it was the only place nearby for a early lunch. I talked to Becky and responded to Shanessa's encouraging text message. I then proceeded to the testing center. I reviewed some notes in the car and decided at about 10 minutes to noon to head in. I was focused and ready. I signed in, scanned my fingerprint, scanned my palm vein and handed over my cell phone. The gal put it in a sealed bag and gave it back to me. She told me to keep it in there and once I was done I can have them unseal it. Then I went to the bathroom and after I was directed to the back area where I met this big huge man who looked like a navy seal. He reviewed instructions with me again. I was brought to computer terminal number 2 where I would sit for the next 3.5 hours. The test starts with some rules and signing your life away as to not spill the secrets of the NCLEX. Then there are examples of each type of question asked from one answer, to multiple select all that apply, to drag and drop and point and click... oh and listening too. Oh and exhibit too, those are questions where you have to basically look at extra information and try to figure out what is wrong with the patient in relation to the question.

Then the test begins...
The first question had me at "Hello"... I was like seriously? I remember being unsure of the answer and I just shook my head and knew I was in for a ride. I took one break at an hour and a half and went to the bathroom. I raised my hand and a lady came to my rescue. I didn't want to return... I wanted to stay in the bathroom and just cry. When I went back in I was at question 40 or so. I knew that the minimum was 85 questions. My next break screen came at question 75 and 3 hours in. I skipped because I knew I only had 10 left. Well I hoped I only had 10 left. I figured if I went over 85 which definitely meant I was below the baseline I would have to take a break just to regroup.

I made it to question 85. I spent some time on that one as well, wouldn't you know it was a select all that apply. It was hard. Who knows if I got it right. I feel like I got them all wrong at this point. Then the test stops. I am done. I am relived because I am so ready to be done. But... I am scared because I feel like I failed. I answer the survey questions... seriously! At this point I just want to cry and vomit and crawl in a hole. I raise my hand (more like my white flag) to be rescued and from behind the lady comes. She saves me... we walk to her computer and she scans my palm vein and takes my white board and says have a nice day. I walk into the lobby with my key to my locker. I see a new victim sitting in the chair, I stay focused to my exit and the lady behind the desk asks if I am taking a break or if I am done. I state done and she asks for my phone in the bag so she can unseal it. I hand it over she unseals it like it is a bomb and hand it back. I take it and grab my stuff and walk out of the evil room. I look for the main exit and I walked to my car. Thinking back to this now... I can't even remember the walk to my car. It was all a blur. It was like I was in a fog of NCLEX. I got in the car and turned it on. A few tears roll down my face. I decide to drive out of the lot and then I called my mom. She answers and I can barely talk. She was a little freaked, asked if I was okay and I just blurted out that I think I failed and I am pretty sure I let everyone down and that I hope she won't think I am an idiot if I failed. I was just beside myself in emotion. I turned to go to Target because I needed a few things and she kep reassuring me that it would be fine. I just said I guess... it is what it is what all I could say. As I walked into Target I was still on the phone with my mom and then Robert called. I answered and again said the same thing trying not to cry while in Target. I decided to hind in the comfy clothes area for women and I am not sure why I didn't grab a pair of those pants to wear. Robert tired to reassure me too. I spent the next 1 hour and 15 minutes wandering Target. I called Becky and she tried to do the same as the previous calls. At this point I am finally accepting the fact that I will have to do this again. I text a few people and pay and head out of town. My Aunt Laurie calls me as well as Shanessa and I try to tell them how hard it was and ask them to please not judge me too bad if I fail. I then drive some more... I get a call back from Robin a classmate and she did the best job a making me feel better because she just took her test and she passed but she felt just like I did. She told me that I passed... I didn't believe her but I did feel a lot better after. I then called Nicole and she told me not to worry. I then took her advice and cranked open the windows and blasted the music for my remaining half hour drive. Melissa text me and told me to do the Pearson Vue trick as well as Robin. It remains to be seen if I passed or not, officially I won't know until Thursday. Everyone says I did but I don't know. I really hope I did. I did the Pearson Vue trick where I tried to register and it wouldn't let me register for another exam. Hopefully that means I passed! I have no idea. I just want to know! I really don't want to have to do this again!! I really feel like I could puke!
I hate the NCLEX!

NCLEX morning

Soon I will be on the road for Hermantown (Duluth) to take my LPN boards. I am very nervous and anxious. I have been basically dreading this day since I decided to go back to school for nursing. So how do I really feel?

• Like I could throw up!
• Would rather run a marathon unprepared.
• Like I am drowning in a sea of information.

Can I pass... YES! I know the basics, I passed a 9 month intense PN program without ever walking the line of pass or fail and I have the knowledge in my brain to do it. But how come I feel so scared? All I can compare this too is a commutative test after you finished your degree....

But the job of the NCLEX isn't to fail us right? The job is to make sure we are fairly competent in what we know. That we have a baseline in nursing to safely do our job. Soooooo it shouldn't be scary.

I have a few classmates that have passed already so that helps because they have the same baseline as I do. I also studying and did 100's of practice questions this week. I did like they suggest and tried to relax as best as I could yesterday with a boat ride, jumping in Mille Lacs and tanning. I even had one beer. I reviewed very little last night and watched a movie. I slept okay waking up this morning at 7:30 am. I have some coffee. I am dressed comfortably. I read my encouraging text messages from my Mom and Dad, Robert, Becky and Nicole! I have my purse and my ATT letter. I am about to leave the house but I am procrastinating because I am afraid. I really hope I can write later how good it went and even later how I passed!


I WILL PASS THIS TEST!
I WILL!

Just like the little engine that could, it made it up the hill.
I will too!

It's July

Hadley and Papa on Father's Day Eve

Well it is officially the month of happiness in Minnesota. We are all smiles here at the Heinsen house as we are about to embark on a 4 night getaway to our favorite destination... Lutsen. Tonight we packed the gals clothes and we overpacked just a little!

Hadley is our fashion girl she changes her outfit 5+ times a day. She has a thing for clothes and she will only wear what she wants to wear. I have tried to dress her and she won't do. She will throw a fit and her newest thing is wanting to look just like mommy. I really hope this is a phase!

Ellie is trying so hard to keep up with here sister. She is such a big girl for 2. She talks so well, sings, dances and also falls so hard too. A few weeks ago she fell at Papa and Grandma's house and hit her cheek on her playhouse deck, it is still healing. We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow (her 2 year old check...opps we are late, late, late) so the doctor can look at it and make sure it is okay. There is still some tenderness on her cheek that concerns me. Sunday night we were at Grandma's and Ellie pee'd in the froggy potty. She pee'd a lot and we did our first potty dance! She was so proud. We are ready to start the adventure of potty training. I am not too excited about it, it is a lot of hard work.

Recap....
In June we spent some time at the Big Sandy cabin. We also spent the night at "Auntie" Nicole's house in Lake Elmo to visit with her and Bradley. The girls got to swim in her new pool. We finally got to swim in the lake at the end of June and we have found a new love for the pirate park and the city park beach... it is so easy and convenient for us to head down there with the wagon. We just love it, that is until there is lake itch! We celebrated Parker's Birthday and Father's day! We adventured to Onamia days so Hadley could walk in the parade, we watched Nevaeh dance... what didn't we do this month?

Hadley and Daddy at P's birthday party!

I rode a horse with my school friends Becky and Nate

The girls rode a ride a Onamia Days

Ellie doing her favorite thing at the Wahkon Park

Hadley was in Onamia Parade for Just for Kix

Ellie was just clowning around!