Dear Hadley

Dear Hadley,
I just spent the last five minutes reflecting on your first days of life. I looked at over 100 photos of you and those that met you in those first days and had to choke back the tears. I cannot believe 5 years ago today you came into this world. You changed all of us that day when we met you.
When I look at the photos I see that we still have Talley, who now enjoys playing dress us with you. I am happy to report we have the same coffee pot and it still works great. I am amazed that we still have some of the same decor items, I guess 5 years goes by in a blink of an eye. I am blessed that we gave you a sister, Ellie, and the two of you play so good together. Thankfully only one person has been taken from us and we know she is our angel in heaven and that is your Great Grandma Bernice.

Over the past 5 years you have grown to be such a beautiful little girl. You are so friendly and caring. You display great kindness with your little sister by sharing with her instead of fighting. You have a passion for your belief's and you are not afraid to stand your ground on what you are going to wear. You enjoy spending time with your family and friends. You love to swim! You are loving and gentle and will tell me that you love me out of the blue. You are shy and especially shy around older guys that you don't see everyday. You punish yourself when you get into trouble. You don't like to be in trouble because you don't like to make mistakes. You love to go to the cabin. You are thankful for everything that you have. You are a good cleaner and you enjoy picking up your room. You love spaghetti or any kind of pasta. You have been through a few dolls, first it was Annie, currently Emma but possibly now Marie your new AG doll. You love Jasmine from Aladdin even though you have rarely watched the movie. Your favorite outfits must be girly! You love your skinny jeans. You love to dance to Grandma's piano and perform your ballet moves.

You are so special and I am forever grateful that you came into my life to make me your Mommy. Hadley I love you so very much! More everyday and I am thankful you are my daughter. Happy 5th Birthday little girl!

December 9th, 2008 - you changed Mommy's life forever!

4 days old! I always loved the happy face after nursing!

You stole Daddy's heart right away!

Happy as a clam that you and your doll match!

Ellie

"Mom I need to go get a skirt on so I can dance," said Ellie! And off she runs upstairs to find a skirt. Down she comes with a white tutu and prances around to the song Rudolf the Red nosed Reindeer. She even picks up monkey blanket and has her thumb in her mouth. This sight is so darn adorable.

Ellie had a annual appointment in October for her heart. Hadley, Ellie and I drove down the night before and stayed over at Nicole's so we could play with Bradley. The girls love playing with him and he is getting big enough to play back with them.

The morning of Ellie's appointment we made it to the check-in station with room to spare. The directions from my phone worked wonders. I love maps on my phone. After checking in the nurse came to get us. Ellie was weighed and measured and then we were led to another room to get B/P and oximetry. Ellie's stats were all normal. She was a little nervous but let the nurse do her job. Of course she still sits on Mommy's lap. We are finally at an age where she will remember things, so next year, I am assuming she will remember and it will be easier.

Then we met the technician for the echo and this part started off with both Mommy and Ellie laying on the table to just Ellie laying alone while Mommy was right there holding her lightly and reminding her to just lay still and it will be over faster. We watched channel 2 cartoons while the tech took the images she needed of Ellie's heart. Hadley waited patiently and was such a good big sister telling Ellie that it would all be okay. After we went back to our room and met with Dr. Rio's. He said that everything looked normal and that Ellie was right where she should be. She even let him listen to her heart. He said she could do all the running, jumping and playing like any other kid. He mentioned a possibility of a future cath procedure but that was very unlikely but wanted to make me aware. He said we will meet again in a year and probably skip echo and then after that meet every two years.

Every time I step foot into that building I get this feeling of amazing gratitude. I am so thankful for all these skilled people who saved our little Ellie. It is crazy that Dr. Rio's remembers us. I swear he has to see 1000's of babies, toddler's and kids each year.

Ellie is 2.5 years old and has never mentioned anything to us about her battle wound on her chest. I am assuming it will come in a year or two. When it does I will tell her that line on her chest is just a beautiful reminder of how strong her heart is.

Up please to Ellie's appointment

Lunch after with Auntie Michelle in Otsego

Dr. Rio's said jump, So Ellie did!

101 Market Corn pit

Our tree

We decided to give the real tree a try again. It was a great decision because we headed up to Glen the four of us and Mom and we picked trees for our house and Gramie and Papa's house. Robert was the pickiest one of all. We cut them down, the weather treated us fair. On the way home we stopped and had supper at Nitti's Hunter's Point. That evening we put the tree up and the house smelled wonderful.

Robert enjoyed searching for the perfect tree!

We found it! Finally!

Decorated and done on December one!

The little things, oh and one big!

The girls love to play house. One gal is the mom and the other is the daughter. They even have baby sisters by using their dolls. It is the cutest to eves drop on their conversations. These conversations are usually a reflection of our mother daughter relationship. I realize I say the words, "honey" and "baby" a lot!

Today is Nov. 4th and I am amazed at how fast our fall has flown by. We have done all things fall including jumping in leaves and eating lots of candy. It is even more surprising to me because when I packed up the house in August to de-clutter, I packed away our flannel sheets. I guess I didn't think I would need them... wishful thinking the house would sell before the cold weather flew in. I was wrong! I long for my warm flannel sheets that are packed in a box at my Mom's house. Guess that just gives me a reason to purchase another set!

This leads me to officially type our moving announcement. I know the majority of the world knows this but I haven't put it anywhere on the web yet. And the story goes something like this... In the beginning of August Robert was offered a job to work for his brother Tom in Eagan. Robert wasn't very happy at his current place of employment so his gave it some major thought. It was the topic of many conversations and those conversations included all of our family. Finally after a week of talking he finally decided that he would be happiest quitting his job and starting a new adventure working for his brother in the shipping business. This decision of course also meant that we would eventually have to move our family South of Isle two hours. There were many pluses and minuses to staying and going but the pluses did outweigh the minuses. Robert gave his 2 week notice and he started his new job on August 26th. We put our house, as well as our land, on the market over labor day weekend. We have received a ton of interest on the land which is currently not listed on the MLS. Hopefully this hunting season will draw more attention. The house hasn't held much interest and frankly I don't think it will this time of year. We are listed on the MLS with Tara as our agent. As of now we are toying with the idea of reducing. And, of course, we know that we are coming up on the holiday season where properties sit on the market collecting days on their MLS count until spring. So with that in mind I am also thinking of taking it off the market around Thanksgiving, to give it that MLS break and put it back on in the spring. We are also open to renting our home if it doesn't sell which means we would most likely have to rent in the South Metro. However if the land sells we could buy something! Lost?! Whew... at least we have made the first step, the new job. Next, we have decided to stay in district 196 for schools, so that means Eagan, Rosemount or Apple Valley. And, I have also visited InverHills Community college for RN program information and options. So now we wait... patiently. In the mean time I plan to work on my resume's and hopefully start interviewing for jobs. I got some great advice from my sister in law Petra which included interviewing at multiple places to boost my confidence as well as give me experience so when I land that dream job interview I will rock it! I also plan to interview for two types of jobs... nursing and PR... just to see what shakes out on both ends.

And so the story begins with no end in the near future but our official move date is set for August 2014 so Hadley can begin school in district 196.

Mr. and Mrs. Chad Rogers

I am so proud of my little middle brother!

Taking pictures in the mist... wedding moved inside.

Beautiful bride, Maid Leah and Groom Chad

The company I shared my chicken dinner with...

Andrew with his speech... it turned out wonderful!

My amazing family!

The boys

Snap a quick pic before Grandpa leaves

Mother, Son and oh wait Father dance too!

Just before Daddy left for Colorado... 8:00pm.

Well we survived a wedding weekend of rain. Even though it rained everything turned out beautiful. Friday night the rehearsal was practiced both outside and inside for the ceremony. The girls did good with the practice job. I was hoping they would do okay and I knew it helped that they had each other to walk with. On the night of the rehearsal they walked together and held hands. Too cute. We ate dinner at Nitti's and enjoyed walleye. It was delicious.

Saturday the weather was misty and at 11 a.m. the girls and I went to the resort to get our hair done. Afterwards we had lunch at grandma's house and Ellie took a nap. Hadley rested. Around 2:15 p.m. Hadley was able to put her princess dress on and she said, "this is what I have been waiting for all year!" She was over the top excited. We woke Ellie and told her it was time to turn into a princess and that was all it took for her to jump out of bed. Picture were at 2:45 p.m. for family. Hopefully we got a couple to turn out. The girls were a little shy at first. Hadley was also a little grumpy... after a few shots by the photographer she was saying she was done with photos. I reminded her that when you are in a wedding... pictures come with the package.

The ceremony was held indoors in the reception room. I was behind the scenes during the whole walking down the aisle so I really didn't get to see the walk by the girls but I know Ellie went first by herself and Hadley followed. They both remained up front during the 15 minute ceremony with only a couple interruptions. I was really impressed as were other guests.

Hadley was excited to finally see Nevaeh after the ceremony. She just kept asking me about her as afternoon. Ellie was happy to see Parker and eat skittles.

Dinner was served shortly after announcements and I enjoyed chicken and the girls had chicken strips. Robert choose the pork tenderloin, I shared a bite of my aunt Cindy's pork and that option was delish as well. Then Andrew was up for his speech. Earlier that day I helped him get his speech started and he fine tuned it throughout the day. He did a great job, I think he even got a little teary eyed. Then cut the cake, dances, drinks and fun.

Robert left the celebration at 8:00 p.m. to head West to Colorado. It was rainy pretty hard when he left so I just gave him a quick kiss and sent him on his way. Hopefully he brings back an Elk!

The weekend ended yesterday with a brunch at my parents. It was bittersweet... I was bummed it was all over! However... we are excited for little Rogers to come along! Laura said it won't be long! Hopefully that is the case! We wish you all the best Chad and Laura and thanks for the wonderful wedding weekend. So many memories!

Ouch

My last 45 minutes have been crazy....
I woke Ellie up from her nap to go pick Hadley up at preschool. We were already in a hurry when I noticed a huge egg-shaped purple bump on Ellie's forehead. Immediately my mind thought she hit her head while sleeping and then I remembered that she had fallen around noon, cried and that was it. There wasn't a bump or anything but through out nap time it swelled. We put some ice on it quick and swallowed some water and Tylenol and off we went to get Hadley.

She was the last one, it was 3:05 pm and waiting with a worried look on her face. Poor thing came up to me and complained of a headache and as soon as we got near the truck she busted out into tears. I mentally reviewed the amount of water/liquids she drank prior to preschool and chalked it up to dehydration. I buzzed home and got her some Tylenol meltaways and a glass of water. I told her to drink and chew, she cried and cried. All she wanted to do was lay down. But before we could lay down we had to go to the drug store to search for some Arnica Gel to help with the swelling and bruising on Ellie's forehead. She said, "hurry up!"

We hurried, picked out all of our items...
Arnica gel
Hot pink nail polish
Toilet cleaner
Glad air freshener
All the while she cried while I held her in my arms.
I explained to her that crying doesn't really help... it didn't work.

Now we are home. Hadley grabbed ducky and went up to her bed. I filled her water bottle and made her take a drink. Ellie is on the couch. I told her to stay put until Paw Patrol was over. I applied a think layer of Arnica Gel on her forehead. I am really hoping this is going to help with the swelling and the bruising. Of course I was worried this would happen... the week of Chad and Laura's wedding.

Hadley goes to preschool

Today Hadley started preschool. She goes every Monday and Wednesday from 12:30pm-3:00pm. She was so excited to go. Ellie and I dropped her off and I didn't even cry, (Ellie didn't either) I was so happy for her. She is soo ready to learn... she is a sponge!
At 3:00 I picked her up and she told me that her friend Jolene got to ride the bus to her Grandma's house. She didn't really tell me much else. At 4:00 Daddy called to chat about her day and she filled him in on everything from pirate's booty for snack to 9 kids in her class. I found out more from eves dropping on the conversation than I did with our own convo... and so it begins I guess. Mom's left out of the loop!

Candy for breakfast

I loath potty training... it is really on my top ten worst things to do EVER! I know we are entering that world and I must admit I am not excited. This summer we talked to Ellie a lot about potty in the big girl potty. She has a froggy potty that was Hadley's and she used it a handful of times this summer between Grandma's and the camper. At home we have a baby bjorn seat that sits on the potty but she wasn't too excited about that and she never went. So Saturday while shopping at Target I let her pick out a potty since we should probably give this potty training thing a real try. She picked a pink princess potty that sings when you pee.

Well we finally heard it sing this morning and she was awarded her choice of candy. I wasn't even there for it... Hadley decided to read her the potty book and I ran to check on the eggs and then Hadley yelled, "Mommy the potty is singing!"

I made it to see Ellie's big smile and hear the end of the song.
She picked out a tootsie roll and sucker. 
We did the potty dance too!

Expore MN!

Summer is nearly over and it makes me sad to think about getting into a routine again. It is nice to just run here and there and not worry about naps or bedtime for the kids. I would have to say that Hadley and Ellie have been very supportive of this as their summer has consisted of multiple days away from home. For about a three week stretch, they only stayed home 2 nights a week. It would go something like this...
Gone for the weekend at the Big Sandy cabin or some other adventure like Lutsen or Vermillion;
Home Sunday for the night, then gone with Grandma at Pete's Retreat Monday through Thursday;
Often times I would go up and visit or stay over while they were at Pete's.
Then they would be home Thursday night and off again to Big Sandy or some other adventure Friday through Sunday. Finally home again Sunday evening to start their week all over. Seriously it was like this for about 3 weeks when Hadley did request some time at home with all 4 of us, Daddy, Mommy, Hadley and Ellie.

Anyway our explorations have led us all over the state this summer and it has been so much fun!
Time is so much more important than money! These travels were brought to us by the resources we have from our fabulous family and friends. 

Lake Elmo Park | June 28th

It was a great time visiting our favorite little man Bradley!

Lutsen Cabin waterfall | July 4th

Enjoying their 4th ice cream cones on a cold Lutsen evening.

Grand Marais, waiting for fireworks | July 4th

National Monument in Grand Portage | July 7th

Largest Waterfall in MN, Grand Portage | July 7th

Pete's Retreat week 2 | July 17th

They always start off in the kiddie pool | Pete's Retreat | July 17th

The Olson Cabin on Lake Vermilion | July 27th

A wacky thrift store | Tower, MN | July 27th

Avoiding the rain by visiting Bois Forte Heritage Museum

Short hike to fresh blueberries and lush views | July 28th

Good bye LV, hopefully see you again. | Moccasin Point | July 28th

Swim time! Pete's Retreat | July 29th

Let's go for a walk | Big Sandy Cabin | Aug. 3rd

Walking along the sandy trail | Aug. 3rd

Pit stop looking for rocks | Big Sandy Lake

Halfway point on our walk | Big Sandy Lake | Aug. 3rd

The Sandbar | Big Sandy | Aug. 3rd

It was a chilly start to Aug. but we still enjoyed the lake | Big Sandy Sand Bar

Family time on the lake | Big Sandy | Aug. 3rd

Happy after a Hillcrest breakfast | Big Sandy | Aug. 4th

Castaways | Mille Lacs Lake | Aug. 12th

Wahkon Day Parade | Aug. 17th

Dancing to Bob and the Beachcombers | Wahkon | Aug. 17th

NCLEX evening

Well it is late... 10:45 and Leno is on. I have had one heck of a day. I honestly hope I passed because I don't want to ever take that test again. It was HARD. I arrived early. About 2 hours early. I found the place and then I went to McDonalds since it was the only place nearby for a early lunch. I talked to Becky and responded to Shanessa's encouraging text message. I then proceeded to the testing center. I reviewed some notes in the car and decided at about 10 minutes to noon to head in. I was focused and ready. I signed in, scanned my fingerprint, scanned my palm vein and handed over my cell phone. The gal put it in a sealed bag and gave it back to me. She told me to keep it in there and once I was done I can have them unseal it. Then I went to the bathroom and after I was directed to the back area where I met this big huge man who looked like a navy seal. He reviewed instructions with me again. I was brought to computer terminal number 2 where I would sit for the next 3.5 hours. The test starts with some rules and signing your life away as to not spill the secrets of the NCLEX. Then there are examples of each type of question asked from one answer, to multiple select all that apply, to drag and drop and point and click... oh and listening too. Oh and exhibit too, those are questions where you have to basically look at extra information and try to figure out what is wrong with the patient in relation to the question.

Then the test begins...
The first question had me at "Hello"... I was like seriously? I remember being unsure of the answer and I just shook my head and knew I was in for a ride. I took one break at an hour and a half and went to the bathroom. I raised my hand and a lady came to my rescue. I didn't want to return... I wanted to stay in the bathroom and just cry. When I went back in I was at question 40 or so. I knew that the minimum was 85 questions. My next break screen came at question 75 and 3 hours in. I skipped because I knew I only had 10 left. Well I hoped I only had 10 left. I figured if I went over 85 which definitely meant I was below the baseline I would have to take a break just to regroup.

I made it to question 85. I spent some time on that one as well, wouldn't you know it was a select all that apply. It was hard. Who knows if I got it right. I feel like I got them all wrong at this point. Then the test stops. I am done. I am relived because I am so ready to be done. But... I am scared because I feel like I failed. I answer the survey questions... seriously! At this point I just want to cry and vomit and crawl in a hole. I raise my hand (more like my white flag) to be rescued and from behind the lady comes. She saves me... we walk to her computer and she scans my palm vein and takes my white board and says have a nice day. I walk into the lobby with my key to my locker. I see a new victim sitting in the chair, I stay focused to my exit and the lady behind the desk asks if I am taking a break or if I am done. I state done and she asks for my phone in the bag so she can unseal it. I hand it over she unseals it like it is a bomb and hand it back. I take it and grab my stuff and walk out of the evil room. I look for the main exit and I walked to my car. Thinking back to this now... I can't even remember the walk to my car. It was all a blur. It was like I was in a fog of NCLEX. I got in the car and turned it on. A few tears roll down my face. I decide to drive out of the lot and then I called my mom. She answers and I can barely talk. She was a little freaked, asked if I was okay and I just blurted out that I think I failed and I am pretty sure I let everyone down and that I hope she won't think I am an idiot if I failed. I was just beside myself in emotion. I turned to go to Target because I needed a few things and she kep reassuring me that it would be fine. I just said I guess... it is what it is what all I could say. As I walked into Target I was still on the phone with my mom and then Robert called. I answered and again said the same thing trying not to cry while in Target. I decided to hind in the comfy clothes area for women and I am not sure why I didn't grab a pair of those pants to wear. Robert tired to reassure me too. I spent the next 1 hour and 15 minutes wandering Target. I called Becky and she tried to do the same as the previous calls. At this point I am finally accepting the fact that I will have to do this again. I text a few people and pay and head out of town. My Aunt Laurie calls me as well as Shanessa and I try to tell them how hard it was and ask them to please not judge me too bad if I fail. I then drive some more... I get a call back from Robin a classmate and she did the best job a making me feel better because she just took her test and she passed but she felt just like I did. She told me that I passed... I didn't believe her but I did feel a lot better after. I then called Nicole and she told me not to worry. I then took her advice and cranked open the windows and blasted the music for my remaining half hour drive. Melissa text me and told me to do the Pearson Vue trick as well as Robin. It remains to be seen if I passed or not, officially I won't know until Thursday. Everyone says I did but I don't know. I really hope I did. I did the Pearson Vue trick where I tried to register and it wouldn't let me register for another exam. Hopefully that means I passed! I have no idea. I just want to know! I really don't want to have to do this again!! I really feel like I could puke!
I hate the NCLEX!

NCLEX morning

Soon I will be on the road for Hermantown (Duluth) to take my LPN boards. I am very nervous and anxious. I have been basically dreading this day since I decided to go back to school for nursing. So how do I really feel?

• Like I could throw up!
• Would rather run a marathon unprepared.
• Like I am drowning in a sea of information.

Can I pass... YES! I know the basics, I passed a 9 month intense PN program without ever walking the line of pass or fail and I have the knowledge in my brain to do it. But how come I feel so scared? All I can compare this too is a commutative test after you finished your degree....

But the job of the NCLEX isn't to fail us right? The job is to make sure we are fairly competent in what we know. That we have a baseline in nursing to safely do our job. Soooooo it shouldn't be scary.

I have a few classmates that have passed already so that helps because they have the same baseline as I do. I also studying and did 100's of practice questions this week. I did like they suggest and tried to relax as best as I could yesterday with a boat ride, jumping in Mille Lacs and tanning. I even had one beer. I reviewed very little last night and watched a movie. I slept okay waking up this morning at 7:30 am. I have some coffee. I am dressed comfortably. I read my encouraging text messages from my Mom and Dad, Robert, Becky and Nicole! I have my purse and my ATT letter. I am about to leave the house but I am procrastinating because I am afraid. I really hope I can write later how good it went and even later how I passed!


I WILL PASS THIS TEST!
I WILL!

Just like the little engine that could, it made it up the hill.
I will too!

It's July

Hadley and Papa on Father's Day Eve

Well it is officially the month of happiness in Minnesota. We are all smiles here at the Heinsen house as we are about to embark on a 4 night getaway to our favorite destination... Lutsen. Tonight we packed the gals clothes and we overpacked just a little!

Hadley is our fashion girl she changes her outfit 5+ times a day. She has a thing for clothes and she will only wear what she wants to wear. I have tried to dress her and she won't do. She will throw a fit and her newest thing is wanting to look just like mommy. I really hope this is a phase!

Ellie is trying so hard to keep up with here sister. She is such a big girl for 2. She talks so well, sings, dances and also falls so hard too. A few weeks ago she fell at Papa and Grandma's house and hit her cheek on her playhouse deck, it is still healing. We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow (her 2 year old check...opps we are late, late, late) so the doctor can look at it and make sure it is okay. There is still some tenderness on her cheek that concerns me. Sunday night we were at Grandma's and Ellie pee'd in the froggy potty. She pee'd a lot and we did our first potty dance! She was so proud. We are ready to start the adventure of potty training. I am not too excited about it, it is a lot of hard work.

Recap....
In June we spent some time at the Big Sandy cabin. We also spent the night at "Auntie" Nicole's house in Lake Elmo to visit with her and Bradley. The girls got to swim in her new pool. We finally got to swim in the lake at the end of June and we have found a new love for the pirate park and the city park beach... it is so easy and convenient for us to head down there with the wagon. We just love it, that is until there is lake itch! We celebrated Parker's Birthday and Father's day! We adventured to Onamia days so Hadley could walk in the parade, we watched Nevaeh dance... what didn't we do this month?

Hadley and Daddy at P's birthday party!

I rode a horse with my school friends Becky and Nate

The girls rode a ride a Onamia Days

Ellie doing her favorite thing at the Wahkon Park

Hadley was in Onamia Parade for Just for Kix

Ellie was just clowning around!