So two months ago at this time I was probably getting ready for bed at the Sheraton in South Minneapolis. Ellie was in recovery and Robert and I were breathing a sigh of relief.
Ellie had her heart surgery on April 1st. She was wheeled away from us after 1pm, later then expected. We were slated for 12:45pm. I remember waking up that morning knowing that it was surgery day. All morning I couldn't stop thinking about it and every second looking at the clock. As the morning progressed family started coming by. The clock kept ticking and ticking. We had a great crew of people and when the clock hit noon I was really starting to get nervous. At this time we all were in Ellie's room. I felt good knowing we had support but I was also a little overwhelmed. I didn't want to have to take care of anyone else but me. I remember expressing that to my parents, Robert and to Michelle and they all understood. I just wanted to get through the day the way I wanted and not worry about anything other then Ellie. When the clock hit 12:45pm I was wondering when this was going to happen. But, as with anything the time came. Dr. Moga and the rest of his team came into the room to talk to us. He explained the surgery to us, as well as the statistics. I will never forget his confidence and how he expressed to us that he likes these types of surgeries, complicated ones.
Dr. Moga left the room and the crew told us that we could take our time and do what we needed to do. Robert and I, as a team, went to the head of the bed and told Ellie we loved her, we told her to be strong and we kissed her. All the while we were crying, but trying to hold it in as best as we could. We had our own crew behind us and I remember thinking, I need to keep it together or this crew will start crying tears that put Niagara falls to shame.
Then they wheeled her off. The feeling I had at that moment was emptiness. I was scared but I knew I was in the best place for Ellie and I knew she had the best surgeon. But fear was still very much inside me and I was nervous. Next the nurses walked us down to the family waiting room. The main room was just clearing from the previous surgery, so we were housed in the the second room down the hall. I decided at that time that it was a good time for me to go and pump. So I went back to the room. It was empty, just like how I felt and I just needed to be alone. I didn't want to make small talk right then. It had only been minutes since my little baby was taken and all I wanted to do was just sit in silence and pray that everything was going to be okay. And, while I pumped that is what I did. While I was in there the social worker came by, she didn't expect to see me. She told me that we were all set for the Sheraton and asked me how I was doing. I told I was okay and that as soon as the surgery was over I would be better.
After pumping I went back to join the others. The next few hours I hung out, walked around the hospital to do errands and talked with the crew about whatever we could muster up. We had a huge spread of food thanks to my cousin Cassie. About three and half hours into the surgery I needed to pump again so I went back to the room. While I was in there I called Shanessa to update her and hear about Hadley's day. As I was chatting, Robert came in and he said the first set of magic words while we were at Children's. "She is done!" I was shocked, because she wasn't due to be done for another hour or so. I got off the phone and felt a huge sense of relief. We went back to the room and hung out with the crew until we could see Ellie. The nurse came and got Robert and I and we were able to go see her. She was okay, very puffy and sedated, but okay. Like I said before, we felt such a huge sense of relief. Both of us could finally smile again. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Ellie was fixed and now we could think about the future again without worry. The rest of the crew came into the CVCC unit and waited in the family lounge. They took turns coming by to see Ellie. After we all went out to dinner and a necessary glass a wine to celebrate. Robert and I were dropped back off to say goodnight to Ellie around 10pm. We went up to her room and got the stats, kissed her goodnight and went to hop on the shuttle to the Sheraton. It was a good night.
Every time I think about that day my mind brings me to the quiet time in the empty room right after Ellie was wheeled away. It is a moment I will never forget and I know my strength in the Lord helped me hold it together. It is really hard to put into words how I felt trusting a surgical team with my 9 day old daughter. I just knew that it was in their hands and in God's hands. Thankfully everything worked out better then planned...
The surgery was shorter then expected.
They were able to repair both the arch and the vsd.
They were able to close her chest.
Thank you to our crew for standing behind us and thank you Lord for giving those skills to Dr. Moga. Every day I am reminded and there isn't as day that goes by without a small praise of thanks.
